Embracing Change When You Want Everything to Stay the Same

Sometimes it seems much longer than two months since we loaded the last items into our car and drove away from what has been home for 22 years. In many ways, I feel like like I’m on an extended vacation. Any day now, we’ll drive those familiar country roads that have taken us home for more than two decades. I wake up in the night and wonder, where am I?  We’ve stayed in so many different locations lately. My head knows we’ve made a major change, but my heart is slow to catch up.

Since change is never easy, what steps can you take to embrace your new situation? Here are a few that are helping me:

  • Find a routine and stick with it.

Try to have some  sense of order to your days–especially when everything around you seems chaotic. Since my husband Randy and I are retired, we don’t have a structured work schedule. Instead, we’ve been building some order into each day. We take an afternoon walk, stop by the local Starbucks for coffee or plan meals at the “usual” time. Familiar routines make any place seem more like home.

  • Acknowledge your feelings.

It can feel uncomfortable being in a place where you don’t know anyone–at least not yet. And change can bring feelings of loss and sadness. It’s OK to feel this way! It won’t last forever. I’m convinced of that!Helpful ways to embrace change

 

  • Step out of your comfort zone.

Being part of a church community is important to us, so we’ve visited some new churches. Even though everyone has been welcoming and friendly, it’s still difficult going somewhere when you don’t know anyone. I realize even more how important it is to extend a warm welcome to a newcomer. I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone, and I’m now attending a women’s Bible study and some exercise classes at the local gym. I’m glad I made myself go!

  • Don’t stare at the closed door so long that you miss the open one.

I love this quote by Helen Keller. It’s good to remember when you’re missing what’s familiar. You will never go forward as long as you look backward.

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. -Helen Keller

  • Be fully present in the moment.

I’ve always appreciated the wisdom of Al-Anon, a support group for families and friends of alcoholics.  Just for Today is great advice–being right where you are in this moment. Not longing for what has been or projecting what may be coming in the future. Just for Today I can be grateful for where I am this very moment. When I consider our many blessings, I can’t help but be filled with gratitude.

  • Know that God has a purpose in placing you exactly where you are.

When Randy and I decided to move across the mountains to the west/”wet” side of the state, we had a purpose for making this monumental change. We wanted to be intentional with our choice to live closer to family members. When we remember our “why,” it makes the “what” much easier.

Last January, I started using a huge calendar that’s spread out so you can see the entire year. I remember looking at everything on my plate–preparation for multiple speaking engagements, writing projects, getting the house de-cluttered and ready to put on the market, and moving–if and when our house sold. At the top of the calendar I wrote with a black sharpie,  The One Who Called You is Faithful and He Will Do It!” ( 1 Thessalonians 5:24) And He has! We’ve walked through each challenge on that calendar and come out on the other side. How encouraging to look at the 2+ months left in this year–not to mention what unknowns lie ahead–and be reminded that God is always with us, always faithful.

Are you facing any changes in your life? I’d love to pray for you. 

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Don’t Give Up 5 Minutes Before the Miracle!

Surviving your spouse's alcoholism: don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!The last thing you want to hear when you’re struggling with an alcoholic spouse is that it takes time for changes to happen. I remember feeling frustrated when A.A. friends told me, “Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle!”

Five minutes?? Are you kidding? It’s been more than two decades. I’ve waited long enough!

How long, Lord? I agonized. I’ve been praying and waiting so long. Nothing seems to change. Have you ever felt that way? You feel like you’re banging your head against a brick wall. Well-meaning family members and friends encourage you to give up. It’s hopeless, they say.

Giving God time to work in our lives can be the hardest thing…especially when you’ve been hurt, betrayed, or treated unjustly by your spouse. In fact, just the idea that God would ask you to obey Him in something, when it’s your partner who is so out of line in your mind, can seem outrageous.

At one point, all I wanted to do was give up. I would’ve been justified. I’d waited and prayed. I’d gone to counseling and Al-Anon. Randy could not overcome alcoholism. Then a friend had the audacity to encourage me to wait even longer. What??

I want to say that each person’s situation is unique. We all have to make our own choices. Sometimes we have to leave our marriage or file for a separation or even divorce. If you’re being abused and your safety is in question, then you must get help. I never want to judge another person for their decisions.

Yet something powerful happens when we surrender. OK, God, I’m going to trust you with my marriage. It looks impossible to me, but I’m willing to wait longer to see how You’re going to work all this out. By letting go, we give God permission and room to do miracles in us and in our marriages.

What if I had given up? I would’ve missed the miracle of Randy’s recovery from alcoholism and the amazing transformation of our marriage nearly 20 years ago. Even though I made many difficult choices along the way–setting boundaries and even separating from Randy for a while, I’m grateful I gave God and Randy more time. I don’t blame people who advised me to give up. Our marriage looked beyond hope. I almost believed Randy would never be able to stop drinking.

We often make those judgments without considering God’s part in the equation. He is able to do far more than we could imagine. It took more time for trust to be rebuilt, for our relationship to grow and change with sobriety. Praise God, the miracle happened! We still don’t have a “perfect” marriage. News flash: two imperfect people coming together equals something less than perfect. But it’s good , so good doing life together with this man God has given to me.

Marriage is a way for two spiritual friends to help each other on their journey to become the persons God designed them to be…a new and deeper kind of happiness is found on the far side of holiness. Marriage is glorious but hard. It’s a burning joy and strength, and yet it is blood, sweat, and tears, humbling defeats and exhausting victories. -Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

Yes, marriage is all of these. But the rewards of coming out on the other side are priceless. We enjoyed our son’s wedding as an intact family and we’ve welcomed two precious grandchildren. Now I have the joy of watching them interact with their “Pappy.” I almost missed these moments. I’m thankful I didn’t give up.

So how do you keep going when you want to quit?

  • Be willing to wait on the Lord. His ways are not our ways!

Our thinking is limited. God’s resources are infinite.

We think the answer is “A” or “B” and God says, “Oranges!” –Bill Myers

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:14

  • Ask God to change you.

God uses marriage to change us, to help us become more like Him—if we’re willing. We have to consistently check our attitudes. Am I being selfish? Am I only thinking of “me” instead of “we?”

God uses adversity to refine us and shape us into His image.

When you start thinking of your spouse’s weaknesses, then start asking God to help you with yours…learning to love, appreciate, and be thankful for that imperfect spouse is one of the most soul-transforming things you can do. -Gary Thomas

  • Wait with Expectancy

God usually does the unexpected–and sometimes it’s more than we ever imagined.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

-Ephesians 3: 20 (MSG)

No matter where you are in your marriage, remember, the miracle might only be 5 minutes away!

Other posts in the “Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism” series:

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Life at the End of the Bottle

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Boot Camp Basics

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Finding Courage to Be Yourself

 

 

 

 

 

 

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Finding Courage to Be Yourself

What seems like a lifetime ago, I started attending Al-Anon because I was struggling to cope with my husband RaHaving Courage to Be Yourselfndy’s excessive drinking. I didn’t know where to turn. Finally, I realized I needed help. At Al-Anon, I met a compassionate young woman who encouraged me to call her anytime if I needed to talk. One night I did just that. I poured out my heart to her. Then I called back later to apologize for being real. I minimized what I was going through. Things weren’t as bad as I had made it sound. My friend just listened.

Later, she wrote me a letter. She said she felt honored that I had trusted her enough to share my real self with her. She knew that took a lot of courage. She also gently told me she felt sad because I had called back, facade firmly in place, and apologized for being real. She said it was wonderful to see the real Deb getting some air. She told me her letter might make me mad. That was OK. Go ahead and yell at her! But she felt she needed to be honest with me.

Speaking the Truth with Love

I’m grateful for my friend’s honesty. She cared enough to tell me the truth with love. It would be a long time before I had enough courage to let the real me get some breathing space, though. It’s embarrassing to admit you’re weak and not strong, that you have huge problems in your life. Sometimes if you really speak the reality of what you’re feeling, you might be afraid you’ll start crying and never be able to stop. That’s how I felt…

Why are we so afraid to be our authentic selves? We’re part of a culture that seeks validation. With the rise of social media over the past few years, there’s a tendency to measure a person’s value by the number of Facebook friends or “likes” they have, or the number of Instagram or Twitter followers. I’ve noticed some young women post new “profile/selfie” pictures frequently, looking for validation from their “friends.”

We’ve been programmed to appear to have it “all together.” Our culture rewards those people who seem strong and self-reliant, the ones who pull themselves up by their bootstraps no matter what is happening around them. Sometimes we label as inferior and weak or lacking in character those who are willing to be vulnerable. It’s risky to say this really hurts or I don’t know how I can make it with this pain or I need help. It seems like we don’t have enough faith; that we’re not strong enough when we compare ourselves to others who seem brave and put together.

I’m fine…really I’m fine

It’s like a badge of honor to not weep when you’ve lost a loved one…or you’re experiencing some type of pain in your life. Or when you’re struggling with the pain of a spouse’s addiction. I’m all right, you say as you suck in your breath to hide your brokenness. God will give me everything I need.

Yes, that’s true, God will give you everything you need. But He created us to feel, to have emotions, and to have the ability to express them. He created us to need connection with each other. Real connection–not the shallow kind we often find through social media platforms.

Dr. Brene Brown writes in her book, Daring Greatly, about being vulnerable and real:

Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives. Shame breaks that connection when we mistakenly believe that if people really knew me, they wouldn’t want to connect with me. In her research, she found that the one difference between “wholehearted” people and those who feel like they have to protect themselves is a belief that you are worthy of love and belonging.

That’s it! Believing you are worthy of love and belonging. Believing you are enough–just as you are. I’m thankful we don’t have to manufacture our own sense of being worthy. When you believe that God created you in His image, you belong to a greater story. One that gives you plenty of reasons to risk being real.

 

You might be interested in reading some of my other articles about alcoholism:

http://debkalmbach.com/friends-help-you…ouses-alcoholism/

http://debkalmbach.com/how-to-survive-y…ouses-alcoholism/

http://debkalmbach.com/surviving-your-spouses-alcoholism/

 

 

 

 

Raising Passionate Jesus Followers: The Power of Intentional Parenting (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2018)

Raising Passionate Jesus Followers; The Power of Intentional ParentingI have enjoyed Phil and Diane Comer’s book, Raising Passionate Jesus Followers: The Power of Intentional Parenting. The authors who have been married for nearly 40 years, have raised four children and are grandparents to what they describe as a “cadre” of grandkids. Their life experience has equipped them to offer their seasoned advice for other parents.

…we invite you into our imperfect, messy, broken story so that you can catch glimpses of our Redeemer and the amazing grace He delights in bringing into your own less-than-ideal family.

They give real-life examples from their own experience about what did and didn’t work for them. They’re quick to admit their shortcomings as parents and the reality that there are no perfect parents. But being intentional in your parenting can make all the difference, they say. Raising Passionate Jesus Followers is a guide for creating in your child a heart that beats for God.

Strategies are given for parenting during different stages of child development. The Comers liken parenting to a building project: formulating the plan, laying the foundation (birth through age 5), doing the framing (ages 6-12), installing the functional systems (ages13-17), and opening the front door. 

I couldn’t help but feel a little sad that my husband and I didn’t have these skills when our children were growing up. Yet at the same time, there is confirmation that we did a lot of things right! The authors insights are helpful even now that we’re grandparents.

Phil and Diane Comer provide biblically-based parenting guidelines filled with encouragement–no matter where you are on your parenting journey.  Their principles can be summed up in this way:

What matters most is loving God with passion and loving others on purpose.

It’s this combination that gives children the opportunity to grow up to be passionate Jesus followers and to pass on this legacy to their own children.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Rescue: Seven People, Seven Amazing Stories… (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2017)

The Rescue: Seven people, seven amazing storiesIf you’ve ever wondered if God is at work in individual lives, then you must read The Rescue. This book tells the stories of seven people impacted by the abuse or poor decisions of others– or by their own destructive choices. God’s intervention in their lives is nothing short of miraculous. An invitation to church, the “chance” hearing of a radio or TV sermon, or a flight attendant’s conversation with a passenger reading his Bible all changed the trajectory of their lives.

Once I started reading each story, I couldn’t put the book down. The author has done an excellent job of drawing you in to seven uniquely different and challenging life experiences. Each person faced extreme circumstances. Yet these powerful testimonies of Jesus’ redemption and healing offer hope and encouragement. More than likely, we may know someone who suffers from similar problems: drug addiction, sexual abuse, homelessness, and the negative impact for children growing up in dysfunctional, broken families.

When much of what we hear each day is bad news, The Rescue provides a ray of sunshine and hope. This book is a good choice for anyone who feels hopeless. Anyone who needs a boost of encouragement and the hope of having their life transformed will find good news here.

Thank you, Billy Graham: I’m One of the Lives You Touched

Billy Graham's life and ministry touched countelss lives“We all have a Billy Graham story,” one of his daughters said at his funeral last Friday. It’s true. The Reverend Billy Graham touched countless lives during his decades of ministry, including mine.

In 1979, I attended the Billy Graham Crusade on Okinawa, Japan. My husband Randy was stationed at Kadena Air Base, and we had just completed our first of three years living overseas. For months, the Christian community buzzed with excitement preparing for the crusade.

As a new Christian, I was curious about what the big deal was…but I soon found out. A crowd packed the stadium that night. Since Randy was away on temporary duty, our two young sons and I tagged along with some friends. We had seats up high in the stadium and no big screens to see close-up shots of the stage. But Rev. Graham’s message rang out loud and clear.

He presented the gospel simply and directly with his easy drawl. “Ya’ll come,” he said at the conclusion of his sermon. “Come just as you are.” Suddenly throngs of people streamed toward the field. Billy Graham encouraged people to keep coming. The hymn, “Just As I Am” accompanied the long lines of people going forward to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

Let the Little Children Come

“Mommy, I have to go forward,” 5-year old Jeremy tugged at my hand.

“Oh, honey, ” I said to my young son, ” it’s wonderful that you want to go forward, but we can pray right here.” Making our way through the crowds and down onto the field seemed daunting.

Yet Jeremy insisted. “No, I need to go forward!”

I looked at my friends. How could we discourage this little guy? We all agreed. We inched our way down the stairs and onto the field. It was a moment I won’t ever forget. Hundreds of counselors waited for each person who came.  Now I understood why this event required months of preparation. It wasn’t just about hearing an inspiring message. Making a decision to follow Jesus meant taking action and having a follow-up plan. Both of our sons became Christians that night. They each received a small red New Testament Bible, as Jeremy recently reminded me. That night on Okinawa, our faith grew wings. Two little boys, now grown men, have memories of the night when they gave their lives to Jesus Christ.

At his father’s service, Ned Graham, described his father as being F.A.T. –Faithful, Available, and Teachable. I’m thankful he was all three. Because Billy Graham came to a remote island many years ago, our lives were changed.

 

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Friends for the Journey

You cannot survive your spouse's alcoholism without supportive friends

Photo by Hannah Rodrigo on Unsplash

God still sends angels: ones with skin, hair and belly laughs. Angels like our friend, Jim. I met him at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting where I was the speaker for Al-Anon. I remember feeling at a loss for encouraging words. My situation with Randy and his alcoholism seemed impossible. What could I say to offer any hope? Jim came up to me after the meeting and introduced himself. He told me how much he appreciated what I had to say.

“You know, Randy’s story is like mine.” He pulled a business card out of his pocket. “If I can ever help you or Randy, please call me.”

And I did. So began a friendship only God could have orchestrated. Jim lived an hour from us, a ferry ride across Puget Sound from our Seattle suburb. He was always a phone call away, always ready to listen to Randy or me, always ready to offer support, and even some humor.

One night I called Jim in a panic. I had invited some friends over for a basket party…perfect, I thought. I’m the one who’s a basket case! I told Jim that Randy had come home drunk and had fallen asleep on the bedroom floor. What should I do?

Jim asked, “Is Randy causing any problems at the moment?”

“Uh, no,” I answered.

“Can you just cover him with a blanket, close the bedroom door, and go on with the evening?”

I hadn’t even considered that. I’d been frantically thinking of ways to contact everyone, cancel the event, and then seethe with resentment.

“I know you can do it,” Jim calmly advised.

And I did. My friends arrived, not having a clue that Randy was passed out on the bedroom floor. We had a good time and I managed to forget about our problems for a little while.

Jim kept reminding me. “Randy is a child of God. He needs your love and support.”

I wasn’t so sure. After all that had happened, I wondered how I could ever love Randy again. I wasn’t even sure if I liked him.

Have you ever felt like that? Your spouse has broken all the rules, caused so much pain, financial hardship, and even embarrassment that you can’t ever imagine feeling any different.

And then God has the audacity to send an angel, someone like Jim. He sends someone who speaks truth to you, who tells you about love, the kind of love described in 1 Corinthians 13. Love is patient, love is kind. Love doesn’t boast…You’ve heard it at weddings and you don’t want to hear it now. It’s impossible, you think. Well, think again.

Real Love

Through people like Jim, I had to reevaluate my definition of love. Even though I hated what had happened because of Randy’s alcoholism, Jim was right. Randy deserved to be treated with dignity—and mercy. That didn’t mean I accepted everything he did with a smile. Not at all. But I learned to take a step back emotionally and not react in the same way. I learned to love my husband with God’s kind of love. I covered him with a blanket of mercy and compassion–just as I had done the night of the basket party.

People like Jim are more than friends…angels, perhaps? His compassion had helped to penetrate the coldness of my heart, my inability to love. Only God could come up with such a plan, just the right person at the right time to help us.

Many years have passed since I took Jim up on his offer to help us. Just last week, Randy and I visited Jim who is in a nursing home. Even though he has dementia and didn’t remember who we are, his eyes still sparkled when we walked into his room.

Randy and I both choked up with emotion. “Jim, it’s because of you, we’re here today. You saved Randy’s life.”

“I did?” Jim blinked, hardly able to believe what we were saying.

I noticed the Christmas photo card I had sent on top of a stack of books next to Jim’s chair.

“See? This is our family. Our sons, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren.” I pointed to the pictures.

Jim might not have understood why we were there or what we were talking about, but we did. We couldn’t have made it without him.

Hope begins when you realize you are not alone. Don’t forget to watch for God’s angels!

Interested in reading more about this topic? Check out these posts:

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Life at the End of the Bottle

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Boot Camp Basics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children: Trusting God with the Ones You Love (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2017)

Praying the Scriptures for your Adult ChildrenI’m a mom of two adult sons. I’ve learned no matter what age they are, you never stop worrying or caring about them. That’s why Jodie Berndt’s excellent book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Adult Children is so appealing.

Each chapter focuses on some aspect of your adult child’s life. These are what keep moms awake at night as we search for just the right words to pray. Topics include praying for a future spouse, a young marriage, a troubled marriage, finding the right job, and finding friends who are supportive and encouraging. The author has interviewed many other parents and shares their own stories and struggles to let go of their adult children. I love hearing from other parents who have come through challenging times. There’s something powerful  about knowing you’re not alone–and to be reminded that we really can trust God with the ones we love.

What a privilege it is for us, as parents, to be able to slip our hand into the hand of our heavenly Father and join him in the continuing work that he is doing in our adult children’s lives. And what a joy, as we allow the words of Scripture to shape our perspective and transform our prayers, to be given a window into God’s heart. -Jodie Berndt

The author uses “prayer principles” throughout the book to highlight important truths. Each chapter ends with real prayers drawn from scripture that you can use for yourself and for your children.

I now consider this my “go-to” book to help me pray for my sons and my daughter-in-law.  As Jodie Berndt says, “It’s never too late to start praying God’s best for your children.”

Thanks to Handlebar Publishing for providing a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

 

Surviving Your Spouse’s Alcoholism: Boot Camp Basics

Prayer is the number 1 way to combat alcoholism. Photo by Ben WhiteIn my previous article about surviving your spouse’s alcoholism, I compared the struggle with alcoholism to an intense battle. It certainly is a battle on multiple levels: spiritual, physical, emotional. At first, I didn’t have a clue how to “fight” this battle. I needed basic training. I had to admit there was a problem before I could reach out for help. That’s a huge first step!

When I discovered Al-Anon, a support group for family members and friends of alcoholics, I felt elated. Now I could  find out how to fix my husband’s drinking problem. I looked at the people sitting around the table in the church fellowship hall. I knew they had the answers. When I poured out my pain, everyone listened with compassion. Then one older woman said, “I used to think if my husband stopped drinking, if only he would change, then our lives would be great. What I’ve learned is I can’t do anything about my husband. The only person I can help is myself!”

What? You’ve got to be kidding. You mean there’s nothing I can do to change Randy? And you can’t be serious that it’s partly my problem. My problem is him! If only he’d stop drinking, then our lives could be normal. I wanted to  blame Randy for everything that was wrong in our world. At that first Al-Anon meeting, I had no idea I had embarked on a boot camp of personal growth and discovery that ultimately changed my life.

Have you ever felt that way? You see your husband or wife as the problem. If only she would stop drinking, then you could be happy. It takes a lot of courage to evaluate our own behavior, the ways we’ve contributed to our problems. When we stop trying to control our spouse and stop playing into negative behaviors (such as arguing with someone who’s drunk and irrational), then the familiar, unhealthy cycle is interrupted. A counselor once told me alcoholism is like gears moving in sync with predictable behaviors. When the non-alcoholic spouse stops doing what is familiar, then the gears don’t move so well and may eventually come to a halt.

If any of this were easy, we’d figure it out quickly and then go on happily about our lives. Healing is a process and unlearning years of learned behaviors takes time and more time. But it’s so worth it! And sometimes, changing our behaviors can motivate our loved ones to want to change, also. There are no guarantees, but the good news is that we will change. We will be different if we go through the “recovery” boot camp.

I used to lament to a friend that I felt stuck. Nothing seemed to be changing in my life. I was worried that I’d be in the same place several years in the future. My wise friend said, “No, you won’t. As long as you’re taking steps toward growth and change, there’s no way you’ll be in the same place because you’re moving forward!”

Moving Forward

So how do we start the process?

  • Tell yourself the truth.  I found it impossibly difficult to finally say the words, “My husband is an alcoholic. Our marriage is in shambles. My life is a mess. And the most important words…I need help!”
  • Stop pretending. Yes, there’s an “elephant” in our homes wreaking havoc and destruction. We have to acknowledge that truth. I remember keeping a smile plastered on my face and telling people I was fine—when in reality, I felt broken. I barely kept myself afloat emotionally, physically and spiritually. It’s okay not to be fine.
  • Find supportive people. We have to be willing to take off our masks and trust a friend, a counselor, or a support group with our truth. Not everyone will understand, so it’s important to find people who are trustworthy of helping you carry your pain.
  • Believe in a Power greater than yourself. I came into Al-Anon believing in a Higher Power, Jesus Christ. The challenge for me was to deepen my faith. I admitted I couldn’t handle Randy’s alcoholism. I surrendered.

Surrender

In a battle, surrender is seen as a position of weakness. You call it quits, wave the white flag, and put yourself in the enemy’s hands. When we surrender in the battle that is alcoholism, we take a position of strength. We admit I can’t do it. But there is One who can. I will let Him. I have been relieved of trying to do it all, to make someone change, believing it’s my responsibility when it isn’t. Only God can change a person’s heart.

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. -John 8:32.

Truth gives us the ability to walk into the light instead of staying forever hidden in the darkness. Truth brings freedom and relief. Some days it will feel like boot camp. I didn’t sign up for this. How come I have to do all this recovery stuff when he isn’t doing anything? That’s how I felt at times. The hope is that we are growing into the men and women God created us to be. We’re not stuck any longer.

How do we learn to respond differently? Prayer, practice and time. Three steps forward, two steps back. But always moving forward. Being open and teachable. Recognizing what we’re doing that isn’t working or helping us or our spouse get well.

Hope begins when I tell myself the truth.

 

The Most Expensive Christmas Tree Ever!

The most expensive and possible ugliest Christmas tree ever!

The most expensive and possibly ugliest Christmas tree ever!

It’s Christmas Eve and all through the house, not a creature is stirring–I hope not even a mouse! Our stockings are still hung up and since we celebrated Christmas on the 22nd, everything is way too quiet! But we had a wonderful celebration with our family–our son Jeremy, his lovely wife Jen, and our two too-adorable grandchildren, Lucy and Henry. We made so many fond memories during the past few days. As we put up our tree–just in time for our Christmas visitors’ arrival, I couldn’t help but remember the year our tree cost us $500!

I think it happened back in 2009. Early in December, Randy and I decided to go on our annual Christmas tree-cutting expedition. We’d gone up into the mountains each year since we’d lived in the Methow Valley—I think that year marked our 14th Christmas here. We’d never had any problems—and didn’t anticipate any on that trip into the mountains.

We drove several miles up a snowy, forest service road in our 4-wheel drive SUV. The snow didn’t seem deep, and we followed tracks on the road from other vehicles. Randy commented that there wasn’t any place to turn around, but I didn’t see any reason for concern. Then we were stuck. We couldn’t move forward or backwards. No traction. Randy tried all the usual tricks—rocking the car back and forth, gunning it, using pine branches under the tires for traction, and digging snow from around the tires. Nothing worked. (Except we did manage to cut a Christmas tree!)

The sun slipped behind the mountains quickly and it was pitch dark and very cold, with temps plummeting into single-digits. “O.K., we need Plan B,” we told ourselves. The thought of spending the night in our car with our dogs, Kramer and Kosmo, just wasn’t appealing. Fortunately, Randy was able to get cell coverage long enough to call a friend who called a tow truck.

Two hours later, headlights from the approaching truck illuminated the darkness. Only problem was they couldn’t get our car unstuck, so the car and illustrious tree stayed on the mountain. Good news: we got home safely to our cozy, warm home on a sub-zero night after being stuck for nearly six hours. Bad news: this was the most expensive tree ever! The $5 permit for our hand-cut tree eventually racked up a bill of $500 after all was said and done. Ouch! Randy decided instead of topping the tree with an angel or star, we would use a price tag instead. Lesson learned: next year we bought our tree at Hank’s tree lot in Twisp. And the year after that, a thoughtful couple from our church gifted us their artificial tree, commenting that they wanted to save us from ourselves! We are grateful!

The $500 tree stood in our back yard, where I looked at it from our kitchen window until the spring thaw. It was a constant reminder of God’s grace and mercy to us, in spite of our many mistakes and shortcomings. That we can still laugh and smile about our Christmas adventure is proof that God is at work in each of us.

Christmas tree gifted to us

This Christmas tree was gifted to us!

Wishing you all a joyous Christmas!