This post seems like deja vu. I’ve written about my “little” brother several times. Yesterday was his birthday. I called him to tell him I was thinking about him. His mental confusion seemed more pronounced. He admitted to using meth “so he could have some fun on his birthday.” Calling him is difficult. It brings his dire circumstances into focus. Somehow it’s easier when you don’t have to deal with someone up close and personal.
My brother has been homeless for many years. He’s addicted to alcohol and meth. Whether he had mental illness and self-treated with substances or has brain damage because of his drug use, doesn’t really matter at this point. It’s heart-wrenching and frustrating because there isn’t anything we as a family can do to help him. He’s reluctant to sign up for the now-mandatory health insurance. His pride gets in the way. Because he’s so emotionally volatile, he has difficulty working, so he doesn’t have any regular income.
After talking with him, I realized I need a refresher course in letting go. The “Letting Go” poem I received at one of the treatment centers my husband Randy went to is a good reminder.
Here are a few thoughts I had as I worked through letting go (once again) of my brother.
- To “let go” does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.
I will always love my brother. I can’t make him want to make healthy choices, though.
- To “let go” is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.
I can reach out to my brother without any expectations or demands that he change.
- To “let go” is not to fix, but to be supportive.
I was able to talk with him without offering advice.
- To “let go” is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
I didn’t scold him for doing drugs.
- To “let go” is not to be in the middle arranging the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies.
I will never stop praying for my brother. I am powerless, but there is One who has all power. I pray for him to find God in his life.
- To “let go” is to fear less, and love more.
What have you learned about “letting go?” How is this making a difference in your relationships?
